“A moment of gratitude to align ourselves with the universe.”
by Zaira Meneses
2023 was a hectic year, one concert after another. My solo performances on stage included multiple Aranjuez’s concertos with Boston Landmarks, Indianapolis Orchestra, solo repertoire concerts at festivals, violin/guitar duo at the Met Museum NY, Son Jarocho ensemble for the City of Boston, Isabella Gardner Museum, and so on. In addition to preparing the various programs, I also took the initiative to launch three pilot projects in Boston and Spain. “The Foundry – Saturday educational guitar program” (Cambridge, Mass), a recent international Guitar Seminar during the summer of August (Granada, Spain), and to finish the season with a NEW orchestra named: “Unidos.” (Somerville Mass) The orchestra helps elevate classical guitar concertos and performs Latin American composers, among other works. Each commitment (music and management) required my full attention with 100% precision and cero breaks. Of course, a busy schedule gets things out of control, such as personal relationships that involve love and possible betrayal. These two popular topics happen everywhere, anytime, to anyone.
In August, I discovered an unpleasant “hidden chat.” Trust was one of my goals for 2023 to improve my relationship, but I can’t trust when secrets are eventually discovered. I feel insecure and nervous when I don’t have the support I need. For some people, it may not be a big deal; others pretend not to see, but for me, too many layers of “unclear” things interfere with what I’m trying to accomplish in this lifetime.
Disappointed and still busy, I pushed as hard as possible to reach the finish line of performances and projects. Of course, I had no time to listen to my feelings. Not listening took me into a vulnerable, open window to let Cupid in at the “Bar Enzo,” a fancy restaurant in Harvard Square in Cambridge, Mass. I was hired to perform on a Saturday afternoon at a beautiful upscale engagement event for a couple who, with faith, were declaring their love to each other. To my surprise, at the same time, I met the person I would fall in love with in just one week. Soon after “Day of the Death” ( the famous Mexican week celebration), I was heartbroken while driving myself to a minor car accident near Eliot Bridge. Wait – What?, Yeap! The accident was not a big deal, but yes, the consequence was an eye-opening experience. Wait a minute, what the fudge just happened? If everything was working out just fine!
Every month, I do my best with my concerts and projects, manage a busy schedule, have a freelancer income, have a clear vision as an artistic director and entrepreneur, and so on. Finally, I have found the emotionally steady rhythm to function, and as soon as I turned my guard off, there I was, with my skin pilling off my arms and chest, burned out by love pain.
Was I really in love? Or was I avoiding the fact that my current frustrated love life needs an immediate change?
BOTH! By the end of November, I was so exhausted that I took a whole month away to be alone at our summer house in Granada between the December holidays.
As soon as I walk into my cozy room in Spain, I start crying to decompress from all the hard work and let the emotions connect with my deepest feelings. It is all painful, but the pain that hurt me the most was falling in love for the first time in my life with the “right person” at the” right time.” A young, foolish, handsome, intelligent guy who woke me up from prolonged anesthesia—a sudden realization from a long-time abandonment of self-sabotage.
After soul-searching for a month, I returned to Boston to clean and re-organize our house to prepare for what was coming next:
“A new journey without feeling guilty for making myself a priority.”
I will take full responsibility for organizing a strategic plan to bring the best out of me. I want and will focus on myself and my purpose. I’m done putting the male person first, which leads to a “comfortable life” that only excuses me from putting the hard work towards myself; “comfort” only works for me in small portions.
I have to push myself to do better as well as push away insecurities and ungrateful people who are incapable of validating my hard work and who are not sincerely recognizing all the obstacles I overcame as an immigrant. I left behind my culture, family, and delicious food, and walking into an unfamiliar territory shook me forever. I’m trying to fill the endless emptiness I feel in my chest with work, physical exercise, music, and friends.
This is why love and trust are so vital to me, and the only way I can see it happening is by :
“aligning myself with the Universe”
I will take a deep breath and accept the beautiful life I envision: I deserve time to embrace myself and to be surrounded by love, support, and compassion.
Before January ends, I encourage everyone to make an effort to thank the universe for being healthy and alive. To thank our friends and people who have helped us to overcome difficulties. Let’s take a deep breath to get organized and balanced in 2024. I pray each day to the universe to have a smooth transition, to let go of bitterness, and to walk into a new path of freedom.
“I must love myself first to love each other equally.”
Thank You to my dear and beautiful sister Raquel, for connecting me to a fabulous therapist; to my therapist, Veronica, for opening my eyes with her kind but firm, wise voice; to my beloved friend, Maria, and her family for welcoming me into their home and hearts, to my beautiful friend Leslie for changing my life completely I admire you from here to the moon, period, to my dear Tracey for keeping me positive at all times with her fun energy, to David for his encouragement, patience and hard work, to Artur for his kindness and faith to our projects together.
Thank you, 2023, and to you too, young silly boy from Bar Enzo, for teaching me (in just one week) how love is supposed to feel…